Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
