There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
