We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
