Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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