Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
