Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
