I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
