I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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