Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
