so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Drake has all the answers
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
