the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
