I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
