i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
