This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
