I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
