i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Who died my cat blue again?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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