oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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