Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
