A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
