Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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