he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
