she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
