I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That accounts for only three of the penises
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
