You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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