Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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