for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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