pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
