I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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