I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i now understand why vodka
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
