Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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