Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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