I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
