yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sobbing to NWA
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
