The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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