He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
