Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm passing your future prison.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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