Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
