you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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