I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
