I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
