Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
