Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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