Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
