so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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