Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
