Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
