Where did you get a picture of my penis
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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