She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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