Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
