sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
