Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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