They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Less talking, more tequila
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
