She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
