Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
